Anxeity Attack, eeeeeek!

Yesterday I went to Costco and picked up some great freeze dried fruit. It was pretty great. I tried both strawberry/bananas and asian pears. I am allergic to strawberries, but I thought something about the freeze drying process would get rid of whatever I was allergic to. Wrong. A few hours later at work I noticed my lips were tingling, so I went to the bathroom and I noticed a red line of broken capillaries on the inside of my upper lip. They were also a little swollen on the inside. Lesson learned! My allergy appears to be getting worse each time. Oh well, I'll eat all the bananas and leave the strawberries for someone else.

Today has been another one of those days. Everything kind of piled up and I think I had a mild anxiety attack. I was having a lot of anxiety over what kind of food I'll be eating this weekend but aside from that, I was stressed about work and the retreat, and I got some other less than pleasant news, I was PMS-ing, and I've had poor sleeping habits this week. I think it would be wrong if I didn't have a mini-melt down at this point.

I was at the retreat center getting ready for dinner, and I was having anxiety about it, considering not only am I try to eat healthy, but also vegetarian. That was kind of my boiling point. I talked to a friend in line for the salad bar and the thought of not having a low fat dressing option sent me over the edge. I walked out and found the bathroom, cried my eyes out, tried deep breathing techniques, and finally calmed down. I went back into the dining hall and word had gotten out about what I was upset over, and everyone looked at me in pity (Or at least I perceived that) and one person out of concern said that there were plenty of good options available. That with all the pitied looks sent me over the edge again but thankfully a good friend distracted me from their presence so I was able to look away and not embarrass myself. I went back to the bathroom, cried my eyes out again, tried deep breathing techniques again and calmed down again. I went to the other room and played my guitar, because that was another source of anxiety, and I felt really good about the songs afterward, because I was worried that it wasn't in a good key to sing in.

I prayed with a friend and that really helped. Someone said, "When you are at the end of your rope, there God begins." Exactly. I didn't even notice that I had so much stress building up until it was too late this afternoon. I need to start taking care of my own needs and make time for myself.

As far as eating goes today, since I was so stressed during dinner, I missed it. Bad, I know. Then snack time rolled around and there were cookies, cupcakes, candy, cheez-its, and trail mix. I picked out almonds and cashews and called it good.

Tomorrow will be a better day, and I will do my best to recognize the signs of high stress and anxiety before it gets to be too much like it did today.

Yesterday I stopped a patient that was talking bad about herself, and I asked her to stop that thought and replace it with a positive thing about herself. Today I've been feeling so negative,
so I'm going to end with a self-affirmation. I am a caring friend.