The gym...

The gym and I have a love/hate relationship. Today was a hate day.

I did about two minutes of eliptical at the cardio cinema watching Resident Evil before I had to leave. It was so gorey, but also the volume was so loud it hurt.

I had the Lady Gold's area all to myself while I did weights and spent a little time on the treadmill. The alone-ness was nice, but the treadmill doesn't feel right. Maybe because it's so new. When I take a step, it feels like I'm about to slip, then it goes on in the correct direction.

I decided to end my time there in the steam room. It felt great for the first ten minutes. This girl and a guy walked in, and the guy complained that it wasn't hot enough so he went out and came back with cold water and proceeded to pour it on the thermostat, which caused it to get very hot and more steamy. I was content as it was but I didn't mind more steam. He then did it again three minutes later. It got very uncomfortable. The time when this was happening, he and the girl were talking. She was using profanities with every sentence. I feel bad for judging her, but I think a person has a low IQ when his or her adjectives are limited to four letter words. What bothered me more was that the guy was telling her to lose weight! She is a slender young woman. Argh. Cocky guys like that are one of the reasons why I try to avoid the crowd and work out at 3:30 am. When I see a fellow fat chick at the gym I try to smile and mentally tell her "You go girl!"

I am sensitive enough as it is, but when a guy is telling a skinny girl to lose weight I feel like I am wasting my time trying. Do you avoid peak hours at the gym? Do you avoid certain areas of the gym because of the people or fear of judgment about your body? This is obviously a touchy issue for me. I am a confident person, but underneath I feel like everyone is staring at me pointing out my flaws. I am perfectly aware that people are probably minding their own business, oblivious to me, and that I am projecting my insecurities on them. (I need to stop self-analyzing, I feel like I'm wearing my counselor hat right now.) Feelings like this are hard to get past, and it just took me several minutes to get over it now that I'm home.

Well, on a better note, work is going well. I went to work this afternoon and after forty minutes and a few comments about having a lot of counselors on the Unit today, I looked at the schedule, and my name wasn't on it! I was originally scheduled, but I didn't look at the revised one. I felt a little silly, but fortunately I didn't lose any hours because I went back to work from 10pm-2:30am.

It was really nice to have a night off. I went to my small group. I love my girlfriends. Some of my guy friends are awesome too. Afterward there was a dessert night, and I didn't touch a single thing, and I feel proud of myself. Why waste points on food that only makes you want to eat more?

I'm still doing really well tracking my points and making good choices that keep me satisfied longer. Last night I had nine points remaining for the day so I had toast with butter. Real butter. It tasted great, but then my stomach was turning in knots for about a half hour. My body is telling me to cut out the junk food! To think, how much of non-filling, high carb/high calorie crap did I consume mindlessly? It is not hard at all to put a little thought and effort into meal planning.

I'm staying up late (as you can see if you are reading what time I posted this blog) because I am working night shift tomorrow and the next day at the group home. I still have twelve points remaining for today, and I'm getting hungry again. I have noticed that I wouldn't always have extra points at the end of the day if I ate meat more often, but I don't mind at all, especially now when I could use the points. Speaking of, I'm going to find myself something good to eat, watch Glee on Hulu, then pass out. Have a great day my loyal readers! <3