Day One

Today is the day that I have decided to do something about my body.

Let's start with today's stats:
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 320
BMI: 46
Jeans size: 24-26

I have come to the point where I need to stop making myself feel bad for looking the way I do and actually do something about it. I don't hate myself, in fact I like to think that I have good self-esteem. What I do hate is only buying clothes that don't show my rolls and cover my arms. I hate always wanting to eat like the food supply is going to run out. I hate that I don't find myself attractive, so how would anyone else? I don't know what brought on this sudden change of heart about wating to change my body, but I'm going to run with it.

Today I joined WeightWatchers Online. I paid three months in advance so I didn't have to pay the joining fee. The website looks good, and it looks like I can find all the resources I need to stay on track. My friend M is already a member and has already lost over 20 lbs. I think she and I can help each other. I'm optimistic for this new venture, but at the same time cautious and afraid of failing. I know I have supportive people in my life to cheer me on, and I'll definitely need it for those plateaus.

Since this is my first blog, I suppose I'll say a little something about myself.

I'm 25 years old. I recently graduated from Washington State University Tri-Cities in August 2010 with a Bachelor of Science in Psychology. I currently work as a mental health counselor at both a group home and on an inpatient psychiatric unit. I started college at Northwest Nazarene University and loved it, but didn't like the high price of a private university, so I transferred to Eastern Washington University. After living in the Spokane/Cheney area for a while, I got homesick and decided to quit college altogether. I took a break from school but started up again for my senior year at WSU Tri-Cities in August of 2009.

During my little break from college I met someone, married him, then divorced him. Long story short is that I will not tolerate abuse. Even though I loved him, I knew that he wouldn't change and that I needed to move on. I have been divorced for a year. I have been enjoying the single life! I was free to finish college and make a career for myself. I can come home as late as I want and I don't have to worry about cleaning up after anyone but myself. (I mean that both literally and figuratively!) I like being single, but at the same time, I want to start dating again.

I consider myself a very spiritual person. I attend a non-denominational Church on a regular basis, and I an involved with childcare, women's ministry, and I play guitar and sing on the praise team every so often. My faith is what guides my life. Starting this diet/exercise program is definitely a leap of faith and I know that God is on my side.

So what sparked me on to start this? Well, the first thing that I can think of is that I bought life insurance this week. To qualify, a nurse had to come over to my apartment and ask me lots of medical questions and then take blood and urine samples. I know I'm healthy as far as blood pressure and cholesterol, but when she brought out the scale I thought to myself, "Oh crud. This is going to hurt. This might disqualify me from life insurance." The number in my head of what I thought I weighed and the number on the scale disagreed, by about five pounds. Over the last few days, I've been thinking about my body and my weight a lot, and giving myself a hard time whenever I eat.

I've been a pseudo-vegetarian for the last four months. I'm allergic to beef, and I won't eat any meat that is not organic, free range, and local, and only fresh caught fish. I eat chicken or fish 3-4 times a month. This has probably helped my cholesterol, but in the abscence of meat I end up eating more carbs. As a result I've gained about 5 pounds in the last four months.

At work they provide dinner to us. I thought this was great. One less meal to worry about or pay for. It's decent, but the vegetarian choices are lacking, and I'm pretty sure it's packed full of preservatives. I'm going to have to figure out how many points are in the food that is provided, or give up and bring my own in.

I have two food vices. The first is sweets. I love anything sweet. For Lent this year I gave up processed sugar and only ate food with naturally occuring sugars. It was a challenge but I never intentionally cheated. Unfortunately Easter came around and within two weeks I was back to my old ways. I did learn a lot about how much sugar is hidden in foods that aren't even sweet. My other vice is coffee. I love coffee. My body loves coffee. I spend too much money on drive-thru lattes. I have, for the most part, already switched to sugar free syrups for flavor, but I still love my 2% milk and I occasionally get a flavor that doesn't come in sugar free, like I did today: Dutch Bros pumpkin pie latte. It was great but I don't want to know how many calories it had. For the sake of my points budget and my bank account, I'm going to *try* and lay off and make my own coffee at home and try for something simpler.

My goal for this week is to take advantage of my 7-day pass at Gold's Gym. I have decided that this is the gym for me. I live three blocks away from it, and it's open 24 hours, which works well with my schedule.

My other goal for this week is to plan a menu for myself and go grocery shopping for healthier choices. I think the most difficult thing is to find filling, low calorie snacks. I'm more of a snacker than I am a meal person, so maybe I will make my meals smaller to compensate. I have little notebook that I'm going to keep track of my points in, and also track how much activity/exercise I get during the day.

I'm very motivated right now, but I know I will hit plateaus that challenge my perseverance and my attitude. If you are reading this, I would love all the encouragement I can get. It sounds superficial but words of affirmation really make a difference to me. I would love to read your comments, questions, or helpful hints that have worked for you. In return I would love to be your cheerleader too!

Here's to all the fat girls on a diet! Go us!