Upset

After Sunday's comment from drunk guy, I felt subdued but I brushed it off. Yesterday I posted a little note on facebook saying that my roommate's dog was eating kitty roca. Gross, yes, but also funny. I deleted it within minutes because my roommate was offended, but not soon enough- my brother took a screen shot and posted it on his wall. I asked him to take it down out of respect for my roommate's feelings, and instead of doing that, he just deleted the names save for the first letters. I asked him to at least delete my picture off of it, but he didn't. A few hours later, I was looking at it and my older brother's best friend commented on the post, saying "Have I mentioned I hate your sister?" That hurt. I have a "need to be liked" complex. To add insult to injury, my brother's roommate, who is my friend on facebook also, "liked" the comment. I just deleted him as a friend. I don't need negative people in my life.

I texted my brother asking him to delete the post once and for all, and saying that as my brother, he needs to be the one defending me when someone says they hate me, and those that "like" those comments. The first part is totally reasonable but I doubt he will do it. The second part I won't even hope for because he has never shown me brotherly love in his whole life. I'm sitting here in tears thinking of how my brothers still treat me as a nuisance and not worth their time. It hurts. So bad.

Normally at times like this I would find some high calorie junk food to make me feel better, but I'm not taking that road anymore. I'm actually at work right now working the night shift (Shh, don't tell anyone...) and I have a lot of free time once my tasks are done. I can't think of any healthy coping skills that are particularly applicable, so I'm going to try and just think positive until I can go home and sleep.

I made a counseling appointment, but the soonest they could get me in is the third week of this month. I think I am seeing the early signs of seasonal depression- I'm weepy, I feel blue, I'm disinterested in things I normally like, I'm tired more often than not, I'm not sleeping well, my anxiety level is very high at times, and my house is a mess (my living space reflects my state of mind- really!). I'm hesitant to start any new medication so close to surgery in case there are complications. I'm going to try and tan to get some good vitamin D absorbed, and I'll be taking good amounts of B vitamins (namely Niacin) to avoid getting worse, and hopefully improve. I've been kind of perseverating on the I-need-to-take-care-of-myself theme for a while now, and I've been trying, especially with eating right and exercising, but as far as balancing my time and doing leisure activities, I've been lacking.

Well, back to work. Speaking of, today I'm thankful for my employment, its ups and downs, my awesome coworkers, and the interesting people I meet.